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September 7, 2011

Lost to the World

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Rhûn Darkmoon and Lihan Taifun

If the Halls of Mandos were in the mortal realm all would be silent now for the hour is late and most would have sought their beds.  The long afternoon had passed by in the normal routine, and the evening meal would have been eaten and enjoyed.  But this is not the mortal world. It is the Halls of Mandos in the land of Aman.  The souls of the dead have no need of meals or bed, yet the habits of a lifetime still prevail and many seek solitude at this time of day, as they had done during their mortal lives.  So it is that when Aulë begins to stir, there is little to disturb the silence of the hour.  He opens his eyes and stares up into the darkness for a moment, letting his awareness build.  The chamber seems to whisper quietly to him in the back of his mind, but there is another sound, nearby.  He turns his head slightly to the side, and there, nestled against him, is Nienna.


A slow smile curves his lips, for she had moved while she slept and now lay with her head upon his shoulder, one arm curled upon his chest.  He lies quietly for long moments, watching her sleep.  His thoughts turn again to those of the night before.  Time, rather than dulling the edge of bitterness he felt at the perceived perfidy of those around him, had only deepened it.  The whisper in the back of his mind seemed to grow louder, like distant laughter, as his thoughts dwell on that bitterness.   And as his anger and injured pride grows within him, in equal measure, so does his wonder grows at such sweet innocence as now lies cradled in his arms.   Unable to resist the temptation any further, he slowly reaches over and tenderly brushes a lock of long dark hair that had fallen forward back into place.

Nienna drifts languidly back to consciousness, as something from the waking world moves across her forehead.   Yes, "sleep" is a wondrous sensation.  How could she have spent so many aeons dismissing it as useless?  She is still filled with a buzz of strange thoughts and emotions, as her mind and body sort the unaccustomed physical sensations.  Her body chemistry has responded to the food she ate earlier, the hunger now replaced by a dull ache in her forehead.  The muscles in her legs feel no longer "tired,"and she has no name for the incipient stiffness.  The air feels slightly cooler than she remembered, though the bed itself is radiantly warm. Soft cushions still cradle her body, but now, on awakening, her cheek is pressed against … something unfamiliar.  She opens her eyes and sees that she is leaning on Aulë himself.

Aulë senses Nienna's mind begin to awaken long before her body gives any indication of her returning consciousness.  Though the light control link he still maintains on her senses he feels the ache in her forehead and other minor physical discomforts.   With a flick of his mind, he lights the candles on the nearby table. Not enough to brightly illuminate the room, but enough to break the darkness so he may see the one who lies against him.  "Hello, sleepy one."  His voice is soft so as not to jar her awake too sharply. "I feel the wine you drank with our meal has had some effect on you.  Would you like me to ease that for you?"

 Nienna turns her head, looking up into Aulë's face, too close to hers for her eyes to focus easily.  "Hello," she replies quietly.  She attempts to concentrate on the multitude of sensations of her body.  "Was that the wine?  Which effect? I have done so many new things, I hardly know what causes what.  Fix anything that needs fixing, of course.  You know how these bodies work much better than I do."  Always Nienna, Vala of Compassion, had listened to the needs of all the Children.  Never before has anyone taken thought for her own comfort.

Aulë raises a hand and lightly brushes a finger against her forehead. "What you feel here is from the wine.  When you drink so swiftly with a stomach that had as yet no food in it, wine can do this.  So will it if you drink overly much of it."  He reaches down with his hand and just as lightly brushes it against her leg. "What you feel here, in your legs and feet, is from the exertion of the journey."  He pauses, letting his hand linger a moment longer than is quite necessary for the sheer pleasure of touching her. Finally he lifts his eyes and looks into hers. "But yes, you have enough to deal with without unnecessary pain being part of that. Let me ease it."  Lightly he reaches out through the link they share and with a deft touch adjusts what needs to be adjusted. "Better?"

Nienna's forehead relaxes as she feels the ache in her head fade.  She stretches a leg, rotates her ankle, wiggles her toes.  "Oh," she exclaims with delight, "that is indeed so much better!  The Children don't do that?  No, I suppose they can't.  But they have had more practice with their bodies."  She lets the thought of the Children, and their hardships, pass.  They have managed for aeons.  They can manage for an hour more.  There is no hurry to get back to her duties.

Aulë cannot help but smile at her delight in such a small thing.  He curls the arm that lies under and around her as he gives her a small hug of encouragement, pressing her to him briefly before relaxing his hold on her, but not surrendering it entirely.  Here in the chamber with her he feels at total peace.  He let his eyes roam the rough-hewn walls.  Unknown to him, his expression is one of a devoted lover.  He takes a deep breath and exhales slowly as he relaxes further. The movement draws his attention to the feel of Nienna's hand where it lies curled upon his chest, and he turns his gaze back to the one lying to trustingly next to him. "You shall become used to it in time as do they,"  he says softly. "But there is no need for you to rush into it as they must when they are born.  There is no need for you to rush at all."

All thoughts of the Children leave Nienna's mind, as Aulë pulls her closer, however briefly.  The warmth of his skin, the smell of dust and campfire smoke in his hair, the tender pressure of his hand against her back, all flood her mind with sensation.  "No, no need to rush at all," she murmurs.  The peacefulness of this chamber, the sound of Aulë's soft breathing beside her, as his breath ruffles her hair, that is enough for now.

"Then stay with me, Nienna." The words fall from his lips without thought.  He stops, shocked that he'd voiced his thoughts. The words were spoken now, so he plunges on,  trying to give logical reasons to cover his need to have her close. "It is quiet here.  It is the perfect place to rest and let your senses adapt and let you learn without being overwhelmed." His dark eyes gaze into hers, and his voice is soft and appealing as he continues. "Stay with me, and let me teach you gently what it is your body is learning."

Nienna smiles gratefully, filled with an unexpected relief at the idea of staying here longer. "Of course.  Where would I go?"  Her own private lodging in Mandos is barely more than an empty room, a place for her bodiless spirit to meditate.  She never had need of bed, or washstand, or food, or …. She notices one unpleasant sensation that remains, even after Aulë's kind attention to her comfort.  "This feeling, here," she asks questioningly, placing her free hand on her stomach to illustrate.  "Why did you not remove that?"

Aule's teeth flash whitely against his dark skin as he breaks into a broad smile at her assurance she will stay with him.  The whisper in the back of his mind murmers loudly for a moment, the sound of laughter heard in the distance, and then fades to a low susuration, like the sound of waves sweeping a distant shore.  He blinks for a moment and then is drawn back to the here and now by Nienna's question.  He lifts his hand and places it upon hers where it rests upon her stomach, feeling it's delicate softness beneath his own calloused palm. "Here?" He smiles down into her emerald eyes, his own twinkling with merriment.  "What you feel here is another result of the wine last night, but it is not a pain I can relieve.  Only you can.  What you feel is a stomach that did not get enough food before you slept. It is telling you that you need to eat again.  What you feel are hunger pangs."

"Then," Nienna says brightly, "I should eat!"  Her eyes sparkle, thinking of the delights of food.  She attempts awkwardly to sit up, hampered by Aulë's arms around her.

Aulë gives a soft chuckle at her eagerness for food. He lets his arm go from  around her waist and sits up. "Yes, you should. But please, stay here, and let your body rest, and I shall fetch you some fresh food from the kitchens. Settle yourself comfortably here.  There is no need to get up.  I shall be back shortly." He slips his feet off the bed and stands next to it a moment smiling down at her.

Nienna smiles at Aulë.  It is such a change for her, having someone pay attention to her comfort.  She levers herself up, leaning on an elbow, and manages to sit up.  Her muscles do not complain.  Aulë's cure has worked well. Neither does she feel any motivation to more more than necessary, when everything is so pleasant right here.

Faintly, Nienna is aware of someone far away calling for her attention.  Always, the Children call to her.  And always before she had rushed to help them.  But today, couldn't they wait just a little longer?  Wait until she felt more stable with these new sensations?  The call is insistent -- aren't they all? -- and she recognizes the cleric who helped to heal the king of the Teleri.  What is it now? she thinks to herself impatiently.  But she doesn't really want to know the answer, not right now.  With a mental effort, she breaks the connection to her caller, refusing to listen.

Aulë gives a small nod of satisfaction when he sees Nienna settle comfortably where she is.  "I'll be back," he murmers as he turns to leave. He strides to the door and pauses on the threshold. As always he is reluctant to leave these chambers. He sweeps a glance around them again as though giving a promise of his return, and then opens the door and steps through it.   His stride as he makes his way to the kitchens is purposeful and swift.

Aulë pauses for a moment to orientate himself when he enters the kitchens for this is not a part of the Halls of Mandos he frequents.  Yes, over there in the coolroom, that is where he will find what he seeks.   Selecting a wooden platter from a sideboard, he enters the coolroom and swiftly makes his choices. Some fresh raspberries, certainly, and he smiles as he adds them to the platter, remembering well Nienna's delight at her first taste of this fruit.  He chooses a few different types of cheese and some other items he is sure she will enjoy.  Before moving back out to the main kitchen, he pauses thoughtfully, selects a flask of light crisp wine, and tucks it under his arm.  He leaves the coolroom and cuts some slices of bread from a loaf he finds wrapped upon a shelf and adds these to the platter.  Yes, this will do for now.

Aulë nudges the door open with his shoulder once he returns to the chambers, for his hands are laden with the food and drink he carries.  Once inside he kicks the door closed with his foot and smiles at his guest. "Food," he says as he walks towards the bed and lays the platter before her.  He strides quickly to the table and collects a couple of goblets for the wine and then joins her on the bed.  "Rescue from your stomach pangs has arrived." He smiles as he speaks.  "But this time, eat before  you enjoy the wine."



Nienna's watches eagerly as Aulë brings in the meal.  She is feeling more confident in the mechanics of eating, and takes a slice of bread immediately, topping it with a sliver of cheese.  She eyes the wine warily.  "If you say so …"

"It is nice down here," Nienna comments, between mouthfuls.  "Quiet."  She smiles at her own words.  "I mean, Mandos is always 'quiet', with all the Dead … but this is so peaceful.  I can hardly hear the Children in the mortal world.  I never noticed what a clamor they made, constantly calling for help!  But this place is different.  Peaceful.  And, more alive, somehow.  This might be the most 'alive' place in all Mandos.  Or," a new thought occurs to her, "is it only that I was never 'alive' before?"

Aulë casts a glance around the chamber again at Nienna's words.  Quiet. Yes. He was at peace here.  It was so far from the perfidy of so many.  His frown deepens at the thought.  Eönwë and his sly accusations.  Eönwë, dripping his poison in Manwë's ear.  Eönwë, skulking around Yavanna's skirts with that impudent tongue of his whispering in her ear.  Eönwë. It all came back to him, and yet, and yet the others were so willing to listen.  His wife, his Yavanna,  the joy of his heart for so many Ages, yet she listened to that scurrilous puppy!  He squeezes his eyes shut for a moment as though to block out the images in his mind that thought provokes.  When he opens them again, there before him is Nienna.  He watches as she enjoys the simple meal, savouring each bite as though a rare treat.  Her joy was evident as was her sweet nature.  It called to him like water to a thirsty man.  What cared he for the perfidy of others when here with him was Nienna, as sweet and true as she was beautiful.

Aulë smiles now at her question. "You have been living, little one, but not alive.  There is so much more to being truly alive than just living."  He glances again around the chamber, and his voice takes on a dreamy quality as he continues. "But you are right.  There is something about this place. It.. it is different somehow.  Like you I feel at peace here.  It feels like my sanctuary away from the rest of the world."  His eyes return to her, and his smile is gentle as he continues. "And now you are here and it can be your sanctuary too.  Your sanctuary to rest a while and learn how to be alive."

"Truly, this is a wonderful place, and I have no desire to be anywhere else. A 'sanctuary', yes, the perfect description." 

She has been eating steadily during Aulë's silent musings.  Her hunger pangs now calmed, Nienna nibbles at a raspberry.  It is just as delicious as she remembered.  "These berries are the most delightful of foods," she says, with the juice still glistening on her lips.

Aulë's nods softly in agreement with Nienna's words.  Yes, it was a sanctuary. Their sanctuary.  He smiles at that thought. Somehow they had stopped being separate beings in his mind.  They were together. They belonged together.  He watched as she reached for a raspberry and bit into the sweet fruit, his eyes drawn to her soft full lips where the juice of the fruit still glistened wetly.   The urge to taste those lips, to feel their softness against his swept though him as irresistibly as a tidal wave.

 "Yes." His voice was low and husky as he replied, "They are delightful."  With one arm he sweeps the platter aside and leans forward to cup her face in his hand.   With infinite gentleness he brushes his lips against hers and whispers, "But not as delightful as you, sweet Nienna."   He brushes his lips against hers again, firmer this time, tasting the sweet fruit upon them.

Nienna leans her head up to meet Aulë's.  Warmth rose up through her body, even as it spread down from Aulë's full lips.  Now, from within, her own body was generating a flood of sensations.  Yet it was not her own body that captured her attention, but rather Aulë's.  The countless stories she had heard from the Dead had not done justice to the fierce eagerness of this moment.  She wraps her own arms behind Aulë's shoulders, feeling the smooth warm skin, letting him support her, and returns his kiss.
***

If the Hall of Mandos were in the mortal world, the dawn would bring the stirrings of life.  Sleep would be surrendered to the duties of the day.  Fires would be stirred and meals prepared.  A few of the maiar who reside there and chose to use mortal bodies do begin to stir as do the souls of the dead.  Routine is a powerful thing even after death.   Yet in one chamber, daily routine, duty, others, anything outside that chamber is forgotten completely by the two within.  The world stirs around them, but they are lost to it.

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